Day 5: When is this going to get easier?

Ya know, I'm a bit upset right now. All throughout high school and before I got pregnant at 21, I cared about my body. I never overate. I worked out every chance I got. You can ask my parents, as a 16 year old teenager, there wasn't a night that I watched TV in my jammies even, without doing crunches of some form. As much as I know about working out and as much I cared at the time in my life that most people don't care, look at me now. I live with my kids dad, we're not married (which is fine), I'm staying at home and caring for the kids. I have a 6, 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old baby. My boyfriend and I are also caring for his 15 year old brother. I'm still not done with college, I just turned 28 and I don't feel like I've accomplished anything and here I am. 5'5, now 182.4 pounds. At 18 years old, I weighed 118 pounds and that was not overeating me and that was working out me. What happened to that girl? I miss her.

So, I'm done with the Shred, maybe I'll try and do it again tonight to get 2 workouts in, and I am pooped! My arms feel like Jell-o. I guess my upset attitude came from the fact that I am so out of shape that it's such a struggle to make it though these workouts. But, dammitt! I push my way through. I wish I would care like I did and being a member of sparkpeople, really helps. I need to feel accountable to someone. Why isn't it good enough for me though. I care about my weight and health, but why isn't it enough sometimes to put the cookies out of my mind? Last night, I just grabbed for them. I ate a total of 2000 calories yesterday and that's 400 over what I should've eaten. UGGGGGgggg! I deserve to do another round with Jillian.